Navigating the Stormy Seas

So I was having a discussion with one of my friends today. We were talking about dating, and flirting.

I found myself revisiting an example I had provided previously, that covered my feelings on the whole situation of being flirted with.

I never assume that anyone is interested in me. This is just my mental state regarding the existence of the universe around me. It doesn't matter if I jammed on a ballcap and am wearing ratty jeans and a decade old t-shirt, or if I spent two hours pinching, primping, plucking, and lacing before I walked out the door. Under the clothes, behind the makeup, and below the hair, I'm just me.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. However, my compartmentalization of myself includes friend, confidant, teacher, student, listener, and occasional goofball. Femme fatale never dials up on that when I go out into the Great Wide World.

So when I go out to a bar, venue, event, etc... there are times I will spend in conversation with males. For all my shadowed social anxieties, I am fairly decent at small talk. Usually, I walk away from these conversations thinking "well, so-and-so was such a nice person". Months (sometimes years) later, I will find out that the guy was interested in me.

So, I have come to a major truth about myself. The only kind of initial flirting that I understand is the the kind that comes with a brick. Applied liberally.

I realize that sounds horribly violent, but it's also obvious. I mean, you don't smack someone with a brick on accident. And hell, it leaves a mark. There is no doubt about your intentions. You can't go back and say "No no, that was totally ambiguous. I mean, I DID hit you with that brick, but you had a mosquito on your shirt and I was just trying to help you out with that."

For me, flirting has to operate on much the same level before something in my brain wakes up and goes "Oooh wait, that was flirting! Cool!" or alternatively "Oh My God, that was flirting, how many exits are there and how far away?"

I can think of a specific example of this. Long long ago, in a ..... well no, it was the same city, so we'll cut that short. Several years back, I kept running into a person through a group of mutual friends. We chatted sometimes at these gatherings, and were friendly enough. I thought that he might be interested in me, but could never decide.

The most obvious and direct route is to just ask the person if they are interested. Yes, I know that. Yes, that is what I would advise anyone who was telling me about a similar situation. No, I seriously doubt I'm going to start the direct route at this point in my life.

I just tangented myself. Awesome. I'm not even sure that was a real word, but I'm also pretty sure I don't care.

So for months the situation went on in a sort of holding pattern. See cute boy at events. Talk to said boy. Leave party. Rinse and repeat.

Finally, we ended up at another venue. We'd been standing around next to each other for a while. People were milling around us on all sides. The lighting was low, and the music was pulsing. We were standing in that body-to-body pose required when talking to someone in a club. The one where you look like you are trying to crawl into someone's head through their ear, and they can still only hear every other word you just said. For a moment he just looked at me, and then he leaned down and kissed me. On the mouth.

The kind of kiss that doesn't say: "I like you". The one that says "Hi, I *like* you. If you aren't using that mouth, could I borrow it for the next week?".

That is a brick. Ogling my chest and asking me if I'll go to bed with you is also a brick; however, it is not likely to have the desired results.

Confucius Confusion in Backtranslation

So apparently several of my comments are getting hijacked by Asian porn sites. Truly awesome. In an attempt to seem slightly more "legit", these posters are including bits of text. Some are advertisements for the porn sites. Others are proverbs, adages, or generalized statements.

As the vast majority of the comments were written in Chinese, I originally gave them the benefit of the doubt, and figured they were foreign posters who were supportive of my rantings. Nothing so fail as a blogger full of ego, right?

I went to Babelfish and translated some of these sayings from Chinese to English. I figured that I might lose some of the accuracy in translation, but could at least get a gist of the material. I have included some of the comments, backtranslated for my own viewing pleasure.

Confuseus says:

The human wants to learn to make a camel first, then can make a lion.

The world confusion, is the advantage toward; The world bright bright, all comes for the advantage.

The such superior tribe standard must certainly continue!

In each person life possibly runs into the honored person, these honored people not necessarily really honored, he is possibly the stranger, is also possibly your enemy.

The world has not taken the road which does not pass, could not have overcome the difficulty, has not hit the enemy who does not defeat.

Does not have the friendship, life He Le?

Each time looked your article, always the aftertaste for a long time, must publish frequently.

The human has a two tongue, is to observe time in the speech reason.

Mature, has ability to adapt in the life fuzziness.

Reads your BLOG article, is really a joyful matter!

A person's spell of good or bad fortune in first time is always most profound, sometimes will let person's heart turn the forever 絕 reason.

The sea gull must soar, must draw back far first. The nectar must be mellow, must for a long time ferment first.

Including receives with dies these two land bridge is the love.

We can give mutually the best gift is “the sincerity concern”.

All properties, when is not forgiven, has become the debt.



As an end note, the comments that include links to what are, presumably, porn sites will be deleted. Only real comments need apply.

Happy Birthday, Happy Deathday

So today was a bit hectic.

One of my ex-boyfriends contacted me a couple of days ago. His mother had died earlier in the week. Because I am still friends with this ex, and I was fond of his mother, I decided to attend the funeral.

For a Catholic mass it went fairly well. I did have to fight a few childish urges. The priest, possibly nearing retirement age, or at least in the first stages of CRS (Can't Remember S***), kept messing up the deceased's name. Last tally, three mix-ups. I may have stopped paying attention in order to lessen the annoyance. I know he stopped correcting himself for making the errors.

Honestly, we all make mistakes. Hell (oops, heck!), I'm bad with names myself. I guess on some level, I want to feel that those honoring her life, by speaking at her last church attendance, at least know *who* they are talking about. I may be a lapsed Catholic, but I respect that others have faith in both God and the organized religion.

This was the first time I had been in a church in years. It was a fairly nice place of worship. There was a sense of restfulness and peace to it. Not like those (pardon the pun) soulless religious buildings, the ones that have all the personality of a Burgers-R-Us.

I skipped the graveside service, as I was loathe to get lost in the city on a Saturday afternoon. Actually, I'm pretty much against being lost in cities in general. It makes me cranky.

Following a reception of family and friends at the deceased's home, I extended my stay to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. It was nice to spend time with some people I hadn't seen in quite a while. Nicer still to hear familiar banter.

During the meal, there were two separate birthday parties. It struck me as slightly surreal to be surrounded by the celebration of life, when I had so recently participated in the celebration of death.

I say celebration because that should be a part of the funeral day. Yes, sadness and a sense of loss should be part of the agenda. But in those last moments, when saying goodbye, we remember what was good about knowing that person. What they shared with us, what we learned.

There is a comfort in the ceremony of death. The rituals we uphold. The dead are gone, but we are not. Instead, we rejoice in friends, grieve for loss, and remain.... as always.... complex.

A Mission for the New Decade

Welcome to 2010!

In an effort to embrace some of those pesky "resolution" thingies, I am working to set up a writing critique with one of my friends. Bi-weekly meeting set ups, and 1,000 word minimum new content per session.

Hopefully, this will prod me back into writing regularly. Not the academic-minded stuff that normally consumes my weeks, but those goofy ideas that percolate in the back of my head.